


Missing You

by Lizphills500



Series: Steve and Loki Through Chris [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Chris de Burgh (Musician), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Hurt Loki, Hurt Steve Rogers, Loki Feels, M/M, Poor Loki, Poor Steve Rogers, Song Inspired, Steve Feels, Steve Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 04:50:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5277341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizphills500/pseuds/Lizphills500
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve finally tells Loki about his past.  Will he understand?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing You

**Author's Note:**

> Part 8 of my music inspired series
> 
> Please read all other parts first
> 
> I hope this chapter turns out ok and makes sense. I know that Steve parents were nothing like I've described but there we go
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STKBYHc6fE0

_Missing You_

_I've been missing you..._

_I've got the roses, I've got the wine,_   
_With a little luck she will be here on time,_   
_This is the place we used to go,_   
_With romantic music and the lights down low,_   
_And as you stand there amazed at the door,_   
_And you're wondering what all this is for,_   
_It's just a simple thing from me to you,_   
_The lady that I adore, 'cos there's something,_   
_That you should know, it's that_

_I've been missing you, more than words can say,_   
_And that I've been thinking about it every day,_   
_And the time we had just dancing nice and slow,_   
_And I said now I've found you,_   
_I'm never letting go;_

_There is no reason to the things that we do,_   
_You can break a heart with just a word or two,_   
_And take a lifetime to apologize,_   
_When the one you love's in front of your eyes,_   
_And I will fall to my knees like a fool,_   
_If it's the only way of getting through,_   
_You see if I think you are beautiful,_   
_Someone else is going to feel it too,_   
_So there's only one thing to do, tell you that_

_I've been missing you, more than words can say,_   
_And that I've been thinking about it every day,_   
_Well tonight's our night for dancing nice and slow,_   
_Because now I've found you, I'm never letting go,_   
_No, now I've found you, I'm never letting go;_

_I've been missing you... I've been missing you..._   
_I've been missing you... I've been missing you, darling..._

 

Loki woke up and looked at the clock. 8.30am. He shot up panicking that he had missed his alarm, when he remembered he was on leave and didn’t have an alarm. He cursed, the conference had been over of two days and this was the second time he did this. He looked around and spotted the breakfast tray on the table in the other room. Odin had splashed out for his hotel, paying for him to stay in a deluxe suite. This meant he could have his breakfast delivered to his room without being disturbed.

He got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. As much as he had been grateful to Thor and his father for the trip and the hotel, he wanted to get out and about as quickly as possible. The last time he had stayed in a hotel was his first night with Steve. No matter what he did the memory of that amazing night kept coming back and the point of this trip had been to forget and move on, not reminisce.

His phone beeped just as he finished getting dressed. It was a text from Thor. Loki opened it when he heard a knock at the door.

“Whatever happens, don’t slam the door in his face and listen to him. I love you, bro.”

Loki looked confused at the message until he opened the door and saw Steve standing there. He almost did it. He almost slammed the door shut again, but Thor had asked him not to. He didn’t have to let him in however.

Steve eyes went wide when he saw Loki. After not seeing him for so long, he got a kick in the gut on just how beautiful he looked. He had lost a little weight, but Jane had said he was messed up by what had happened. Steve knew he loved him, but this was the first time he realised how much he adored him.

“What do you want?” snapped Loki, his arms crossed.

Steve winced but he knew he deserved it. “To talk.”

“Sorry. I asked you for that 3 weeks ago, and 2 weeks ago and before I left. You didn’t want to know then so I don’t care now. Goodbye Steve.”

Loki tried to shut the door, but Steve put his foot in the way. “I know and I don’t deserve anything from you, but I’m asking anyway. Hear me out. I lost you because I don’t talk about my past. Let me try and explain. If you want to kick me out after that, I’ll go and we only need to see each other at Thor’s or I’ll stay away completely. Your call.”

Loki stood there for a moment. He wanted to tell Steve to get lost, to jump in the sea, but he knew that from the minute he saw him he would never do that. His heart was telling him to reach out and pull him into his arms. Instead, he turned and walked away leaving the door open. Steve took that as the only invitation he was going to get so he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. Loki was standing by the wall leaning back. It was about as far from the arm chair as possible while still facing it, so Steve sat down.

“Loki, I…..I have no idea where to start.” Steve dropped his head in his hands. Loki heart went out to him, but he didn’t move.

Steve tried again. “I’m sorry. I don’t talk about some things because they hurt that much. I….I know what Brock did, what he was up to and I’ve seen the photo he showed you. I promise we didn’t kiss. He pecked me on the cheek as I was leaving that night, but I saw how it looked, so I know why you were upset and I would have felt the same. The girls grilled him over the whole thing. He was trying to split us up.”

Loki nodded, satisfied that he had been right about Brock. The rest he wasn’t so sure. “and you expect me to believe that there was nothing going on.”

“You can call the girls. He went out of his way to make you think I didn’t love you. I told you I would never go back to him.”

“Why, what did he do to you? I need to know what the hell made you scream at me and then ignore me for so long.” Loki said, fighting back the tears again.

Steve sat quite for a while after that. Loki shifted unsure what was going to happen or if Steve had shut down on him. He nearly jumped when he started talking again.

 

“My earliest memories aren’t the nicest. I was always told when I was in the group homes that there were worse things my father could have done to me. He never hit me or touched me, always put food on the table, kept the roof over our heads and gave me everything I asked for, which as I was ten meant lots of sweets and toys. He just never loved my mum. She adored him, worshiped him, but he didn’t love her or even like her very much. I never did find out why he stayed as long as he did.” Steve’s voice broke a little. Loki wondered where Steve was going, but didn’t say anything this was the most Steve had ever said about his past.

“So of my mum, I remember her crying a lot. Crying that he wasn’t there, that he was and ignoring her, that he was shouting at her. Then she was ill. I didn’t know what cancer was but in my head I decided it was like a broken heart.” Steve stopped again. Loki moved a little closer.

“You don’t have to do this all at once, Steve. Tell me about Brock. We can talk about rest another time.” Loki said gently.

Steve looked up at the other man. “I can’t do one without the other. My dad had affairs. Lots of them. Most of the time it was out of the house. Sometimes we didn’t see him for the weekend. One time he left mum a wad of cash and was gone for a fortnight. Towards the end, he stopped caring. I walked in on him so many times. Most of the time it was kissing, once it was a lot more. I was told I would forget as I got older but those images are burnt in my mind, my dad screwing a women that wasn’t my mum in our living room.”

“Shit Steve.” Loki gave up pretending he didn’t care. He pulled Steve into his arms and sat on the floor. Steve pulled away. He didn’t need sympathy, he needed Loki to listen. He was sure he would never be able to say this again.

“He left when mum died, ran off with one of the many girls he had been sleeping with. I was glad, even in foster care I was better off without him. I swore that I would never become him or her. I would never cheat on anyone and I would never stay with someone who cheated on me.”

“So I went and accused you of cheating on me. My god, I’m so sorry but I didn’t know. How was I meant to know when you never told me any of this?” Loki said, sound sorrowful and annoyed at the same time.

“I know, but I told Brock and he used against me. He was the last person I told. He was always hinting that I spent too much time at work, that I needed to get from under the thumb of the girls. He wanted me to move in with him and I said no, but I was starting to pull away from work. He always said that how hard me working so much was on him, that he got lonely when I wasn’t around. I was afraid that he would look elsewhere if I didn’t give him more attention. It back fired on him.” Steve was shaking now, more upset that he had been over his father.

Loki tried to reach for him again but stopped when Steve glared at him.

“I pulled a sickie, claimed a migraine so I could leave work early. I went to his apartment and walked in on him having sex with a girl from a few doors away. He didn’t every try to defend himself and I just walked away. Nat went back and got my stuff. I thought it was over until he showed up drunk at the house, blaming me, my work and even the girls for why he cheated. He may have ended up flat out on the sidewalk for the night but I didn’t care and he was gone in the morning. That is why I would never go back. He was just like my dad and I’m not my mum. I won’t live with it.

Steve looked at Loki, then was speaking again. "It hurt so much that you thought I could do that to you. It wouldn't have mattered if someone said it, but you, you were my world. You were everything. If you'd have asked, I would have left the house and the girls for you. I have never considered doing that for anyone else, but you are that special to me.”

They both sat in silence for a little while. Loki had so much to process. He had been right, Brock had hurt Steve really badly and Loki had been just as bad, even though he didn’t know it at the time.

 

When Loki didn’t say anything, Steve got up to leave. He knew it would be a long shot that he and Loki could get back together. The best he had hoped for was that Loki would understand, but maybe that was too much.

Steve just reached the door when a hand grabbed his arm. Loki pulled him around and pushed him into the door. Their lips meet and Steve couldn’t believe this was happening. He wrapped his arms around the other man’s body, hoping to god this wasn’t a goodbye kiss.

They come up for air, but Steve refused to let Loki move away.

“Loki I’ve missed you so much, more than I can possibly tell you. I know I hurt you and I am so sorry. I will spend the rest of my life saying I’m sorry. I would get down on my knees and beg for us to try again, but I’m frightened to let you go. I missed you, I love you.” Steve said everything all at once, all the while desperately clinging to Loki.

“Shhh. Steve, I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have talked to you about this whole thing, before it got as far as it did. I missed you too. I love you. And you don’t need to beg. I’m yours now and always. I swear I will never let you go again.” Loki leaned in and kissed Steve again. Steve final broken down and the tears rolled his cheeks all the while his heart was singing. He had Loki again and he would never give him up, not for anyone or anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback always welcome. think one was a bit deep, I hope it was ok
> 
> I'm going to have a little rethink as to where this is series is going, so I may not update for a little while but I do have others projects on the go.


End file.
